Homebrewing For Dummies? How About the Rest of Us?

I've spent a lot of time in bookstores, libraries, online forums, bars, and gazing starward through the bottom of many a bottle and mug to find out how to make my beer at home like the beer I've enjoyed outside my home.

A lot of homebrewers are either inspired by craft and microbrews, fed up with or federally prohibited to imbibe commercially available beers, or just plain chock full of pioneering spirit to create a brew that they can call their own.

I'm one of those... all of the above.

But back to the neverending research and curiosity -- I think there's not one guide out there that can lay down a recipe for a fool-proof beer. There's no homebrewing for dummies. To be sure, dummies don't drink -- they pose in shop windows or tell jokes from the knee of a self-conscious comedian.

And dummies don't make beer. Adventurous, inventive, sud-loving folks do.

So, here's a how-to on making beer for the evolved dummy. Foam-o Sapiens.

Get acquainted with a style you want to make.
Hit your local grocery store, liquor mart, brewhouse, triple-x jug, and define the taste you seek.

Find the right ingredients.
Chances are, if it's on the shelf, somebody's already leaked the secret formula for your favorite beer. Pick up ingredients at fine local shops through places you can find through Brewer's Roundtable homebrew supply page, or online purveyors such as Midwest Homebrewing and Winemaking Supplies. If you're local to South Florida, check out my local shop, Bx Beer Depot, which offers brick and click ordering (in-store and on-line).

FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS!
When they say your yeast requires a certain temperature, stick to it. Use ice packs, heating equipment, or other temperature controls to make sure your yeast is chomping away at sugars at the most comfortable temperature ever. Otherwise you risk off-flavors or stuck fermentations which can lead to beer infection.

Other instructions lean heavily on keeping your workspace clean. Yes. People back in the early days of beer died before what we call middle-age. Baseball players, by ancient standards, would be considered community elders, praised for their wisdom and legendary tobacco-spitting abilities. We have come a long way and a lot of that has to do with cleanliness. We can sanitize the heck out of our food and drink to keep us from catching illness from that which should provide us sustenance and inebriation.

Share your beer.
You might never know that the weird-tasting beer you made in the garage is actually spot-on for a beer you've never tried before. I entered the 2009 Samuel Adams Longshot contest and found out my Imperial Pale Ale would probably be a hell of a barleywine if I give it a little time to sit. All it cost me was FedEx postage and the judges at the Longshot contest gave me their best review. Another brew I did was an ESB -- my girlfriend, typically not a beer-fan, raised her eyebrows at first sip and found it a perfect pair with sushi. It's not always your place to say if the beer you make sucks or rocks.

And if you feel you have nobody to share with, drop me a line. I'm there for you, buddy.

Well, that's the short and dirty of homebrewing for those of us who aren't dummies. For any questions on detailed instructions or comments on beers you've made or want to make, leave a comment. Hoperators are standing by...